Mr. Garrison Gets a Vaginoplasty

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

It aired again last night, one of the many great South Park episodes that clandestinely pokes fun at liberals' sacred values, this time abortion.

Tired of being just an ordinary gay man, Mr. Garrison decides to become a woman and undergoes a vaginoplasty. Unbeknownst to him at the time, the surgery hardly makes him a woman, and it takes him awhile to figure it out.

Here are some memorable lines from the show; all of which are said by Mr. Garrison. Warning, explicit:

• "Oh boy, men will do just about anything to get a look at our t*ts, won't they? Men are all the same. My boyfriend walked out on me! Turns out he was a f*g. But I've been livin' it up ever since, havin' sex with all kinds of different guys! Girl power!"
  
  
• "Oh my God. Of course. I haven't gotten to experience a period because one of those truckers I slept with got me knocked up. [turns around and shouts] I'm pregnant, everybody! Hoh boy, now I can have an abortion!"
  
  
• "[talking to another patient at the Planned Parenthood clinic] You here for an abortion too? Yeah, I discovered a few days ago I wasn't bleedin' out my coo, so I guess I'm knocked up. Is this doctor any good?..."
  
  
• “[talking to doctor] Yeah, I've got one growing inside me. Now, are you gonna scramble its brains or just vacuum it out? If you want you can just scramble it and I'll queef it out myself."
  
  
• "[after being told he can't have an abortion because he's not really a woman] Don't you tell me what I can and can't do with my body! A woman has a right to choose!"
  
  
• "[now realizing he's still male] You mean, I'll never know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside me and then scramble its brains and vacuum it out?"
  
  
• "You know what? I'm okay. Even though I'm not truly a woman, I think I still like the new me. I'd rather be a woman who can't have periods than a f*g. Hey guys! This girl is staying a woman! Who wants to pound my vadge! Girl power!"